Part Eight: The Writer
Shortly after Austin, it was determined The Screen Savers needed a full time writer. To this point I’d been handling almost all of the writing for the show, including bump outs (“After the break, Patrick takes a sledgehammer to a computer monitor!”), opens (“Welcome back to The Screen Savers. Today we’re doing what many of you at home only wish you could do, and we’re doing it because we can: Taking a sledgehammer to a computer monitor!”) and all the various scripted moments that help a live television show keep time and flow as smoothly as possible. But in addition, I wrote jokes.
At the beginning of each show the hosts would deliver a monologue of technology-related jokes, riffing off the daily news, just like the late night talk show hosts do. To write this monologue each day, I’d start scanning the daily tech news each morning, and then periodically pen a joke throughout the day as they occurred to me. Mr. George, reminding us of his experience on the Tonight Show, told us he wanted someone working on these jokes all day, every day, because that’s how Johnny did it. Johnny had a room full of writers writing jokes for him, according to Mr. George, and out of the dozens of jokes written for him each day, he’d always take the absolute worst ones so he could put his “edge” on them. That was what Mr. George wanted for The Screen Savers: someone to write bad jokes Leo and Pat could put an “edge” on. Apparently, mine weren’t bad enough.
It was suggested I may be able to move into the writer position full time and spend all of my day writing jokes instead of the few minutes I had between other duties. I wasn’t sure how spending more time on something would make it worse, but I went with it. It was, after all, how Johnny did it. It would also allow me to hand off the line producing and running of the live production to someone else, which would have been fine with me. My stomach lining was already starting to rue the decision to go into live television production. Getting back to writing full time sounded like a fine idea.
After a few weeks of repeatedly asking when I could transition to my new job, I was told to expect an announcement “soon.” The next day I met Larson, the new writer.
I believe this has been the most compelling reading I’ve had in as many years. I found myself wondering whether I should stop reading to eat breakfast, then turning to the next page and forgetting my hunger. In many ways the Eagle Semen story has offered insight to many things about myself and what was once my favorite television station. Potential is a great and terrible thing, something that should not be wasted and more often than not is completely mucked up by lack of judgement. Russ, if you read this please know that you have provided a wealth of knowledge. I thank you.
Glad you found some meaning there. I certainly learned a lot about myself in the writing of it.
Very enlightening read, It sounds like you’ve learned a lot from the whole experience. Thanks for the story, I found my way here because I’ve been unhappy with very recent choices of the show. I was one of the people you mentioned might exist that enjoyed the changes to the show. I used to watch back when it was ZDTV and I always liked the idea of the The Screen Savers, and knowing it was there if I needed it. But if they were not discussing a problem I identified with then I became uninterested very quickly. Also if I had a computer problem, I’d usually go to the internet first rather than wait for a show I might get on, so it did not seem feasible to me. When they took calls less and talked about other interesting things I enjoyed the show much more and watched more often. I understand completely how their changes felt like they were corrupting your baby, but hopefully if might help to know that some people really did enjoy the changes.
Very enlightening read, It sounds like you’ve learned a lot from the whole experience. Thanks for the story, I found my way here because I’ve been unhappy with very recent choices of the show. I was one of the people you mentioned might exist that enjoyed the changes to the show. I used to watch back when it was ZDTV and I always liked the idea of the The Screen Savers, and knowing it was there if I needed it. But if they were not discussing a problem I identified with then I became uninterested very quickly. Also if I had a computer problem, I’d usually go to the internet first rather than wait for a show I might get on, so it did not seem feasible to me. When they took calls less and talked about other interesting things I enjoyed the show much more and watched more often. I understand completely how their changes felt like they were corrupting your baby, but hopefully if might help to know that some people really did enjoy the changes. PS That was a great noun.
Good to hear your perspective. It has occurred to me many times that the show might actually have been made better – not just for a few people, but objectively better – through the changes that came about during the end of my time there. It was a chaotic time, though, and so much was changing in and around San Francisco, that it was hard (especially for me at that stage of my life) to see what was happening as anything other than the death of a dream. I feel differently now, but in relating my experience of the time, those memories and feelings persist.
Glad you enjoyed the show, however, and the story I wrote.
Thanks for the reply, yes I really did enjoy your story, it was well written and really engaged me. It really took me back to the day, like watching an old movie.
well something u will now but some u will no now what to do
i love u bae
The force of gravity is what makes objects fall to Earth. It keeps
the moon in orbit around the Earth. It keeps Earth and the other
planets in orbit around the sun. Gravity holds us on the Earth so we
don’t float away. Gravity holds our atmosphere, too. The moon’s
gravity pulls on Earth’s oceans and causes tides that rise and fall.
Because the Earth’s gravity has the same pull on every object, all
objects fall at the same speed (in a vacuum). On Earth, we have air.
Air resistance will cause some objects to fall more slowly than others
will. This works to our advantage when we want to fall more slowly,
for example, when a skydiver jumps out of an airplane. He uses a
parachute to create as much air resistance as possible to slow down
his fall. But if we drop two things in a vacuum chamber from which
we removed all the air, the two things will fall at the same speed.
This is true even if one of the objects is a feather and the other is a
bowling ball. Earth’s gravity accelerates objects when they fall.
Gravity constantly pulls on a falling object, and so the object
constantly speeds up until it reaches its terminal velocity. Terminal
velocity is the maximum speed an object can reach. After an object
reaches this maximum, the speed of the falling object remains at this
constant rate.
Gravity has the advantage of being able to work over long
distances. The sun is 93 million miles away from Earth, but its
gravity is strong enough to hold the Earth in its orbit. The gravity of
the solar system keeps everything in the system, including comets
and asterGravity is a force that we experience every
moment of every day. Gravity is the basic
force in the universe. Every body (planet,
moon, star, comet, asteroid, meteor, etc.) in the
solar system has a force that pulls things to
itself. That’s gravity- the force of attraction
between all objects in the universe.
On Earth, it keeps people and objects from
flying off into space. Gravity even keeps our
air from floating off into space! An object’s
weight depends on the strength of the force of
gravity. The pull of gravity is different on
different bodies in space so weight varies on different planets or
moons. For example, if you weigh 100 pounds on Earth, you would
only weigh about 16 pounds on the moon. The moon is a smaller
body than Earth and so its gravity is less.
Isaac Newton discovered in the 1600′s that the force of gravity
depends upon the amount of matter (mass) in bodies and the
distances between the bodies.
The sun pulls on the Earth. The Earth pulls back on the sun. The
sun is huge! If the sun were a hollow ball, you could fit one million
Earths inside of it. The sun’s gravity is very strong because of its
large mass. However, because the sun is 93 million miles away from
the Earth, the pull of gravity decreases in proportion to its distance.
The Earth’s gravity pulls back on the sun. The Earth stays in orbit
around the sun because the forces are balanced.
Newton’s Law of Universal Gravitation explains that an attractive
force is present between any two objects. The size of the force
depends on the masses of the two objects and the distance between
the two objects.
Newton was saying that every object in the universe exertoids, orbiting the center of the system, the sun
I can’t explain how much it means to me that you wrote this, but I will try.
Tech TV was a channel that I searched out when my family first got cable in 2000. Screen Savers and Call for Help were these amazing, unrealistic programs with people talking and more importantly caring about things that I was interested in.
I’m getting emotional now trying to think of the words to express it. Reading this has finally given me some closure on the death of that part of my childhood. It was like being forced to watch someone else play with your toy and break it. I have understood for a while why the programing turned to garbage on an intellectual level, but as a kid watching informed discussion turn to pandering at what felt at the time to be overnight was heartbreaking. I have remained bitter since then and every new adoption by the more casual public has been ash in my mouth as the people who make the tech possible continue to be treated like losers who should be ashamed.
I tried to think of why that show meant so much to me, so I could tell you, but you said it all.
Really, thank you.
I have only best wishes for you.
This was an interesting read to say the least. Your story was eye-opening and provides many of the emotions people feel at most jobs. I understand that people can take emails with a grain of salt, but others might feel fear, rage, or happiness. I do not think I would have done it the way you did, if I was in your situation, but I am one of those who talks to people and tell them what is on my mind. I feel that written words could be easier, but word coming from my mouth make me feel they are paying attention.
Unfortunately, I have made someone cry with this technique, but with good cause since they changed drastically towards me. I have a lot to learn in the corporate world since I just started working in it for a year now, but I think I know how to justify a job, for myself at least. As long as I am helping, or know I am helping at least one person, then I can get a sense of accomplishment and enjoy working there. However, if I am hurting someone when I’m supposed to be “helping,” I do not think I could stay there. I like family environments, teams, and understanding among everybody.
Also, I’m sure you have heard, but G4 is going downhill even more now.
Thanks for the good read, I enjoyed it. I’m a technical writer and had to hold back from some issues, but that’s what I get for majoring in this…even though I make mistakes too. Have a nice day. Good luck with Polygon.
First off I was a big fan of the show and I continue to consume the content created by the various on air talents. I suspect that what appealed to me most was the concept of seeing geek-smart people on the air. By allowing them to freely talk about anything it made the show feel so fresh and watchable.
Your journey reminds me of the writings of Robert M. Pirsig in that it’s a story of self discovery and a coming of age, and I quite enjoyed the read.
The only part I take exception to is on page 27 where you state, “…when someone had come onto our soil, for the first time in almost two hundred years, and started a war…” To which event nearly 200 years ago were you referring to? If it was the war of 1812, yes the British did arrive on American soil, but it was only well after America declared war on the British. What did you expect them to do? If, on the other hand, you were referring to the American Revolutionary war you should be reminded that the colonies were British colonies and that those colonies chose to no longer be under British rule – again what did you expect them to do, it was their empire (and land) from which you seceded.
I guess my only rant is that I hate when someone tries to re-write history. If I may, I would like to suggest this revision to your work, “The terrorist attacks were the first time since Pearl Harbor that American territory* was attacked without a previously declared statement of war.”
* – In 1941 Hawaii was an American territory having been illegally annexed by the US in 1898 – but that’s another story.
Techtv is what got me into IT in the first place. I would have my grandma tape the shows because I didnt get the channel! Good read.